Thursday, February 5, 2015

Well, here we go.

This new year thing, it's crazy is it not? I wanted to get back into blogging, but I wanted to change my writing style to properly show you all what I am really thinking. This new blog is to keep the past blog untouched, but to start a new place to write for the person that has changed since my last blog post.

Here is the old blog link. Just in case you were wondering what my old blog was like, and what crazy nonsense has been forever engraved on the web.

Here is my blank slate. My new beginning for the road ahead. Inside my head are stories and insights just wanting to leap from me and onto this little space on the internet. I will do my best at keeping these posts short, but I can't promise anything to crazy.

Thoughts on the new year.

- I have come really far. Like, you may never know how far my being has been stretched to grow these past five years.

- Life is short and you need to do what you love or you will ultimately fall into a pit of self hate and disrespect for those around you.

- Why do we wait so long for things that we know will never happen? Maybe, just maybe, it is because of this thing called hope. We hope for things that are not right for us. We hope that someone will change and that our life will become better. We hope that we are not the ones that need changing,  but the people around us, because heaven forbid you would release all the negative bull crap that you hide inside yourself for a free and gorgeous life. Hmm. I guess I just answered my own question. 

- Sometimes I am lonely. Sometimes I choose to be alone because those around me only make the sadness worse. I have at some points in my life,  pressed myself to the wall while lying in bed just for the feeling of having someone beside me. I know it is false hope, but hey, sometimesu it works.

- I still hate church dances. I don't know how to dance and really don't give a crap to try to learn. I feel like it is something that I will never really use, so I won't even try to change it.

- Sometimes I like to 'stir the pot', as my parents say. I look for a reaction to hot topics. I have never done it with the intent of hurting anyone or trying to get them to change viewpoints. I guess I put stuff out there to see how people react. To see who they are when they get fired up. Can they control themselves or do they throw fiery darts at you behind their computer screens hoping to 'win' the battle of wits? I'm trying to stop. I have gotten better but sometimes I can't stop myself. It is not a need to be noticed as much as it is a need to notice others.

- I can change. I have set goals in these past eight months that I never thought I could accomplish. I did. And I am just getting started.

- When do I get to have children of my own? This might be a little too honest for a first blog post, but here it goes. I have wanted to be a mom for over ten years now. Yes, ten(10) years. I am only twenty two and a half at the time of writing this so it might seem a little weird. I have always loved being around children. Except my siblings oddly enough. I enjoy love helping moms in any way possible if it means that I can be around their precious child just a little bit longer. Growing up I thought that I would be married and have at least one child before turning twenty two. I guess that wasn't in the plan. Is it crazy to want a child of my own more than a husband some days? Because honestly, it's true. Sometimes the thought of holding an infant in my arms is greater than the longing to have a man by my side. I can promise you that I am not a lesbian in any way, shape, or form. I have those parts, I don't need anymore thank you very much. It's crazy, I know. But that is just me.

- Fitness is mandatory. Like, get off your butt, you don't need to finish reading this. Fitness can be fun if you find something that you really enjoy. I love running, but the treadmills at my gym are stupid Sarah haters. Worst half mile EVER. I will stick to my own treadmill or outside for my runs,

- Writing a blog post takes SOOOO long. Especially when you have a ton of things that you want to type.

- Somehow I never noticed how nice of a rear end the cute guy at The Sandwich Spot has. I still don't know his name. A year and a half of going there and nothing to really show for it. Flirt to convert! No? Ok.

- Real friend are very hard to find. They are even harder to find when you are looking for a spouse. So much time and energy into people that just might blow you off later on because of whatever reason.

- I realized that I have only been on about 12 dates. Woah, one for every tribe of Israel...

- I like lists. Like this one. Is this a list or just a bunch of random thoughts all collected in one blog post? Let's call it a list.

So, yeah. There are a bunch of my thoughts on this new year. I might have a few more to add in my next post, but let us not get too excited for what's coming. I am going to give this blog a cool page layout that is clean and easy to read. I realized that my old blog had way too many things for my eyes. It was hard to stay focused. All I wanted to do was look at the pretty flowers in the background.

Yep. Goodnight world.

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